You know that feeling when you feel safe and protected from everything bad in the world, and then all of a sudden--"BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" That annoying buzzing sound, that only a mosquito can make, is right in your ear? It was a Wednesday afternoon....
Ok, but before I finish the story let me give you a little background. I came to my village a little over a week ago, just a few days after the cyclone hit. Luckily the island that most of us are staying in wasn't hit as bad as the main island that we were living in at the time. So after they talked to our families and checked to make sure we all still had houses, they sent us out as quickly as possible. We arrived on Wednesday afternoon, completely exhausted. Just to paint you a little picture, for the past two months I have had this very specific routine, of eating breakfast with my sisters, going to school, coming home for lunch and eating with my family, coming home from school and chatting with my family for a bit before heading off for one of three places, a. a walk with my fellow PCV friends, b. volleyball with the villagers and my fellow PCV friends, or c. the beach, again with my fellow PCV friends and whatever random kids happen to be swimming at the time. After hangout time, I would go back home for prayer and dinner with my family and then go back into the village to play cards, catch up on some X Factor, watch dance practice, or play a game with the kids in the street. And then, wake up and repeat the next day. That I pretty much did the same things everyday for the past two months, until we went to Apia and were locked up in the hotel for multiple days because of the cyclone. I spent almost every minute of the day with my PCV friends in the hotel or around Apia. So you can imagine the shock to my system when we all departed from the warf and were dropped off at our different villages. I was partly exhausted from the cylcone, party distressed because I was in a new village, partly overwhelmed because I couldn't believe how much I missed my family in Utulaelae, and partly experiencing severe withdraw from these other volunteers that have become like family to me in our short time here. They said that it would be hard to come to a village, but I don't think I really thought it would be hard for me! I mean, I'm the queen of independence. I'm a pro at travelling and going new places by myself. Hello, you are talking to the girl that moved away to college when I was 17, half way across the country without knowing a single person out there. THIS SHOULD BE EASY FOR ME, right? My experiences in the past week would say otherwise.
It turns out that without a routine, I don't really know what to do. I spend a lot of time cleaning my house, and just kind of wandering around looking at things in my house imagining how I would clean it if I had cleaning supplies. I spend multiple hours a day, watching and playing volleyball, because that's a way I know that I can meet new people in the village and make friends. This has become my favorite time during the day, and indeed is where I have made friends with lots of the young girls in the village. I go swimming with the kids in the evening, which is always nice. I enjoy having time to exercise every morning and going on a walk. But there were many times when I would just be awkwardly hanging out with my sister and her friends and think to myself, "wow, this is not what I imagined." Or when my sister wants to go hangout at 10:00 at night i the village, and all I want to do is go hide in my mosquito net and read or write in my journal or sleep or cry (not actually cry, but just, you know...what's the word...wallow in self pity?).
So anyways, the day after christmas here, Chirstmas day in the states, I'm thinking about what my family and friends are doing there and kind of sad that I can't be there for the holidays, and then feeling equally sad thinking about my family and friends in Utulaelae and wishing I could be there with them. I had been sitting in the HOT sun watching volley for a couple of hours and getting bitten by mosquitoes and trying to fight off the flies that seem to enjoy torturing me by swarming my infected sores on my feet. So I finally decided I had earned a break and I was going to go hide in my mosquito net and read for an hour, because you know, it's SAFE in there! I don't have to worry about speaking Samoan, or worse, not being able to speak or understand Samoan. I don't have to worry about what I'm doing and if it is culturally appropriate. I don't have to look around the village and compare it to my old village (which, yes, is a very bad thing to do, and I really do make a sincere effort not to do that, but it's such a natural thing to do, it's hard not to!). And best of all, I don't have to worry about mosquitoes or flies!!!
So I get all ready, I turn my fan on, get my book out, put my water bottle beside me, get all cuddled up with my pillow, and tuck in the mosquito net under my mattress. About thirty seconds of pure bliss pass, and that's when it happens!!! The "BUZZZZZZZ" is right in my ear!!! THERE'S A FREAKING MOSQUITO IN MY MOSQUITO NET!!! You know how when you have a sunburn and someone touches it, it causes extreme pain and is super sensitive? It doesn't matter that normally that wouldn't bother or phase you at all, but just because you have the sun burn, you think you are going to die? That's how my experience with this mosquito was. I almost started crying. Yes, very dramatic, but I had an emotional sunburn that day for some reason. So, obviously, I decide to kill the mosquito. Which turns out to be a tricky thing to do on a twin bed inside a mosquito net. At first I start flopping around like a beached whale on the mattress trying to get it. When that doesn't work, I get up on all fours and try chasing it around. The problem is, when the mosquito lands on the net, and you slap the net, the mosquito doesn't die, because HELLO! The mosquito net is flexible and the mosquito just kind of conforms to the net and in that gap where your palm is. So then I start try to clap the mosquito to death. You know what I'm talking about, when you use both of your hand and try slapping the mosquito in between them. Well, after about 4 minutes of bouncing around and clapping the air (looking like some kind of pathetic attempt to be a cheerleader) I finally am victorious over the mosquito! By this time I was so exhausted (it's hard work to kill a mosquito!), my reading time turned into nap time.
But when I woke up, I realized an important lesson. Sometimes, we think we can just go in and hide in our mosquito nets and be protected from everything bad. Because in our safe place (mosquito net, if you will) we don't have to face the world outside or the stuff that is scary or awkward or just not what we want to do. But the problem is, it's not always safe in our mosquito net. And the mosquitoes eventually find ways to get us even in our nets. So I decided to stop being a baby and stop moping around, and get out in the village! Endure the hot volleyball games or the awkward hangout sessions even after I'm tired, even if it doesn't sound as fun as reading a book in front of the fan. Talk to people even if it seems scary to just strike up a conversation. Because I'm here to become a part of this community, and I'm never going to be able to do that in my mosquito net. I really do love my village, even if the transition has been hard. My family is so kind. They take such good care of me and are always asking me if there is anything that I need and worried about if I'm eating enough and what food I like. They like to make sure I'm getting enough rest. The girls in the village are my favorite! They are so funny. They love to dougie!! They love singing and dancing and playing volleyball. And they think it's hilarious when I get hit in the face with the ball. The women in the village are all so kind and they are very interested in my love life (and think it's hilarious when I say I don't think about boys, I just think about God--which is not necessarily true 100% of the time given all of the guys that don't wear shirts when they are working in the bush or cutting the grass). They also think it's really funny when I do something really bad in volley or say something really bad in Samoan. I love that the village is so active, and I'm excited to get to know more people. It's just a transitioning period right now. School starts at the end of January, so I'll have more of an excuse to go and talk to people in their houses then and to go visit my students and their parents. I'll also be meeting more of the teachers, which will be good. I'm really excited to finally get to start teaching!!! I feel very ready.
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